Matt Bors for November 14, 2007
FOX Freedom Alert News Anchor: An aging dam near Mosul, Iraq, is threatening to break, unleashing a 60-foot wall of water that will kill tens of thousands.* * True News Anchor: Which leads to the inevitable question: how much U.S. Military might should be used to solve this problem? Military Officer: We don't negotiate with DAMS, Tom. Iraqis live in constant terror of this thing collapsing. Military Officer: The DAM should DIE. News Anchor: Right, but you know what CRITICS will say - that we CAUSED the massive drowning that will obviously result. Pentagon: "Thousands will die to save thousands." Military Officer: All their talk of "fixing" the dam simply leaves this potential killer in place. It's time to open the FLOODGATES OF FREEDOM! News Anchor: It's settled then: blow the dam. Blow it all to hell. News Anchor: After the break: should we drop orange floaties after liberation or is it THEIR responsibility to figure out the breaststroke?
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