Ink Pen by Phil Dunlap for February 18, 2006
Bixby: Ralston, listen. Hamhock hasn't had a decent job in months. Why do you want to put his employers out of business? Ralston: I can't abide the use of my cousins as lunch meat. Bixby: Hey, I'm related to squirrels! I don't care! Ralston: I have my principles. Bixby: *sigh* Why can't you just be happy for Hamhock's success? Ralston: I got offered a network special for my courageous tale of social protest. Bixby: *sigh* Why can't you just be happy for Ralston's success?