Clear Blue Water by Karen Montague-Reyes for October 08, 2006
Man: Next up, housewife Eve Merriwethere-Torres! Please give her a warm welcome! Eve's 33, a mother of 5 and wears a size 12! Judges - is she fat? Easily Offended man? Using the word "fat" violates the petty code. The preferred term is "woman of size". Right Wing: PC nonsense! Of course she's fat! Man: Ooooh! That was E.O. Man's sidekick, Right WIng, chiming in! Next up, Fluff Boy - our pop culture expert! Fluff Boy: Is she fat? For a celebrity - yes. But as an average American woman? No, she's not. Man: OK! Zealot? Your turn! Zealot: I have no opinion - I'm paid to argue! Where's my fee? Man: That's 1 lecture, 1 yes, 1 no and a zealot! The sweep-it-under-the-rug duo will break our tie! Is she fat? Man: Exhibit A - the subject in Wal-Mart last may trying on a floral bikini. Exhibit B - Eve: Nooooo! Gasp! Thank God! It was just a dream! Sheep?! What are you doing here?! Man: I was on a pizza and beer run. Am I late? Eve: What?! Man: You look good to me, but I like's 'em thick!