Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for December 23, 1990
Calvin: and Santa, if I get any lords-a-leaping or geese a-laying, you've had it! Hmmm..that might not be politic. I'm getting nervous about Christmas. Hobbes: You're worried you haven't been good? Calvin: That's just the question. It's all relative. What's Santa's definition? How good do you have to be to qualify as good? I haven't killed anybody. See, that's good, right? I haven't committed any felonies. I didn't start any wars. I don't practice cannibalism. Wouldn't you say that's pretty good? Wouldn't you say I should get lots of presents? Hobbes: But maybe good is more than the absence of bad. Calvin: See, that's what worries me... OK, assuming I can get an overnight letter to the North Pole, what would you charge to write me a glowing character reference? Hobbes: Oh no, I'm not going to perjure myself for you! My record's clean!