Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for November 18, 1990
Calvin as a doctor: For this patient, I'm going to need more tongue depressors. All right, what's wrong with you? Like I care. Susie as patient: My foot hurts doctor. Calvin: Your foot hurts? What kind of stupid problem is that??! Susie: You're the doctor! You're supposed to find out what's wrong with it. Doctor: It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw. Susie: A lobotomy?! That's not what a real doctor would say. Calvin: Yeah? Who's wearing the stethoscope, you or me? Here's a mallet, do you want anesthesia? Susie: Wh-That's to test reflexes! Y-You don't know anything! Calvin: How about a shot then? Like a shot in the mouth! Susie: That does it! I know more about medicine than you!! I'll be the doctor now! Calvin: Ow! Ow! Quit kicking! See, that's why your dumb foot hurts! Stop it! Susie: Say it! Say I'm the doctor! Calvin: Ok, you're the doctor! But I'm not going to be any patient of yours! I'm leaving! Susie: Fine! Good riddance! You ruin everything! Calvin: The surgeon general should issue a warning about playing with girls. Calvin: I'd be Susie's patient!