Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for July 11, 2009

Transcript:

news of the times protohominid congressman introduces anti-hyene legislation charley (i-n.j.), the only australopithecine in congress, has introduced a bill that would take strong measures to reduce the threat of hyenas in the united states. charley: we must eliminate the threat of having your skull cracked open between the powerful jaws of a hyena while you sleep! charley, a member of an extinct species from the pliocene epoch, argued his case for america's need for hyena protection. charley: what greater need is there than safety from these bone-crushing monsters? guy: there have been zero american deaths by hyenas in the last... forever! charley: anyone can use so-called statistics to make their case. i can say that the number of hyena-related deaths this year is three times that of last year! guy: that's only because three times zero is zero. this week charley's staff is on board. nerd: um... shouldn't you look into this global warming legislation? it's a risk to the whole planet... charley: what part of "your child's lifeless body torn apart in a frenzy of gnashing teeth" don't you understand? and the message is gaining traction in the media. media: let the pinheads worry about whether it's a few degrees warmer, or highway fatalities are up... we need anti-hyena patrols on every main street now! advised to carry stick with at all