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Pearls Before Swine

By Stephan Pastis
158,825
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Aug 23, 2014
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The world according to the U.S. Supreme Court
'Spending large sums of money in connection with elections... Does not give rise to quid pro quo corruption.' -McCutchen v Rec
Man: Hi I'm a billionaire. Here is a large sum of money for which I expect nothing in return. Rat: I could not give you anything in return, as that would be quid pro quo corruption. 
Man: Of course. As an aside, sir, there is a bill before you now that I am very much against.
Rat: I see. I will consider your position without regard to the limitless sums you can now hand out. Next.
Man 2: Hello, sir, I'm Joe nobody. I have no cash to give you, but I would really like you to vote for the bill that is before you now.
Rat: I see. Well, I will give your position the exact same consideration I will give the man who just singlehandedly funded my entire campaign.
Man 2: Thank you, honest congressman.
Rat: Thank you, valued constituent. 
That settled, they all rode away on unicorns to Candyland.
Pig: So money doesn't influence anyone!
Rat: Nope. Now have a gumdrop from the gumdrop tree.
Aug 25, 2014
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