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Calvin and Hobbes

By Bill Watterson
314,921
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May 23, 1992
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Calvin: This meeting of G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid of Slimy Girls) will come to order. Dictator-for-life Calvin presiding!  Hobbes: Hail Calvin and Hobbes!  Calvin: On today's agenda, we'll make a list of what girls are good for. Obviously, this will be a short meeting! Ha!  Hobbes: First tiger Hobbes will record the list for posterity!  Calvin: OK, first, girls are good for water balloon targets! Ha ha! Second, they're good for noting! Ha ha ha!  Hobbes: Hee hee, slow down!  Calvin: Number three, girls are good for colonizing Pluto! Ah ha ha! What a great list!  Hobbes: Number four: They're good for smooching! Hoo hoo!  Calvin: Number five is...What?!? Did you say smooching?? What kind of treasonous, sissy idea is that?!  Hobbes: Well, it's true.  Calvin: Ooog!  Aaack! I got the dry heaves!! You're demoted from first tiger to tiger bulk rate!  Hobbes: You can't suppress the facts! I award myself a medal of valor!  Calvin: How would you know it's a fact?! Have you been at traitor to the cause?!  Hobbes: I hae my sources! Ow! This unleaderlike behavior will be noted in the club minutes!  Calvin: Have you been smooching the enemy?!  Out with it!! Hobbes: You have! I saw it, so don't try to deny it!  Calvin: Me?! That's a filthy lie! You'll pay for this vile slander!  Hobbes: Oh yeah? Your mom kissed you right on the cheek last night, remember?  Calvin: ...oh yeah... I guess mom is a kind of girl, sort of... Hobbes: See? According to club rules, you should be excommunicated.  Calvin: OK, presidential pardons all around!  Hobbes: Agreed!  Calvin: This is such a great club!  Hobbes: We'll add an amendment saying smooching is optional if it's your mom.
May 25, 1992
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