Herman by Jim Unger for October 16, 2021

One time I had four rooms for $51.

“The Daily Thing”. Brilliant.

Pass me my Daily Thing.

Put your car on the end of a giant teeter totter. If the meteor hits just right, you’ll be launched into space.

“Everything Must Go”

Last orders, please!

The end of World is d.

Chiliastic.

End of the World? Then what are they going to do with $50?

“I feel fine.”

End of the World. This time it’s for real. (Would we lie?)

Can’t guarantee delivery.

My mom was one for picking up obscure stuff in the news. She was retired, she was a recluse and she also had an off-beat sleeping habit. She would go to bed at 4 AM and get up about 10.

So she read every word in the local newspaper (they had newspapers back then) and she would listen to talk radio (yes, they had it back then too and although it was not extreme politically, it had enough weirdos on the air at 2 AM to fill a chapter of Q-Anon – like psychics that claim that the government is monitoring you activity by measuring your water pressure when you flush the toilet.) We also had the National Enquirer back then.

I was home on leave one time and she was talking to me about some obscure group of which I’ve never heard. After confronting me with me about other bits of arcane data that she picked up in her midnight listening, she stated, “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you know what’s going on in the world?”

I replied, “No mom, I’m just out in it.”

The water pressure thing is not off the wall. One ad agency looked at water pressure to determine when people were away from the TV. For example, it would drop rapidly at half times during football games. They compared water pressure with programming schedules and commercial breaks. This was before your smart TV tattled this information.

Ignoring the obvious ….oh well

That’s a steal.

We see what see what we want to see.

I’ve known people who were about this observant!

I’d wait until they had a blow-out sale

It’s fake news anyway.

Warranty?

I can’t blame him for his nonchalance. When the world ends, it’ll be a surprise to everyone.

Thank you, Mr. Unger. This is one of the funniest I’ve seen on this site for a long time.