Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for July 05, 2008

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling John McCain says: $300 MILLION Invent a new automobile battery that leapfrogs current technology, and you'll win a... $300 MILLION CASH PRIZE!! Yes, solving the global energy crisis would be worth trillions to any inventor, but John McCain is sweetening the pot with an extra 300 large! John McCain believes in market incenties, and what's more "market" than GOVERNMENT GIVEAWAYS?! Solve the health care crisis and win a Complete Archery Kit. Stop the gays from wanting to marry and win a TRANSISTOR RADIO. Create a perpetual motion machine and win a KNAPSACK. Invent a VCR that doesn't flash 12:00 all the blasted time and win a GUITAR. Devise a proof of the Riemann Hypothesis and win THIS. Get my wife to shut up during Cardinals games - take ANYTHING. "I came up with the idea of defeating terrorists by invading Iraq, and the U.S. paid me $27 million!" - A. Chalabi, Baghdad "I figured out how to siphon money from the government to my pals at Halliburton, and they got $24 billion!" -D. Cheney, Washington, DC "I invented a new convoy system for our patrols in Baiji. And when I was discharged, John McCain got me that new G.I. Bill! No, wait...he DIDN'T!" - L. Kendricks, Jacksonville Cut out and mail to: John McCain 2008, Washington, DC My invention is I would like to claim my prize of This ridiculous prize stunt will distract people from John McCain's lack of an actual policy on Name Address