Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 26, 2000
News of the Times Library System Terrorizes Publishing Industry A book locating/lending phenomenon known as the "DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM" - enabling user to get access to copyrighted text material for free - has sent shockwaves through a panicked publishing industry. Brent: Why would anyone pay for a book once it's accessible for free?! Publishers' spokesman Brent Aullett The plan is as complex as it is diabolically clever. A "library" buys books, users find them through Dewey's classification system, and borrow them for free! The inventor of the system is MELVIL DEWEY, a plucky 149-year-old who's been dead for 69 years, so his business plan is unclear. But he's got readers giddily borrowing books, to be consumed at leisure, and free of charge! Old Man: Screw updike! I'm beating the system! Old lady: Power to the people! Established writers like Tom Clancy have stopped producing their output. Tom: What's that you say? LIBRARIES? For FREE?! Denise, get me Ovitz! I'm packing it in! Young writers have also given up. Brad McClatchen has ceased work on his collection of poems entitled"of an oleander, recriminate." Brad: Obviously, my dream of making millions through poetry is dust. I'm calling my brother about that tire sale's job. Publishers of course are suing, but they are not optimistic. Brent: Mark my words: this "Dewey Decimal system" will be the death of literature! Next: Shower-Singing Threatens Music Industry! Guy: I wanna know what love is...
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