Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 14, 1999
in its continuing effort to regulate itself, the motion picture industry is proud to unveil its new rating system... motion picture association of america's movie ratings the scene: primitively drawn cartoon character describes homosexual act. the rating: nc-œ no one admitted at all. the scene: a man and woman engage in loving heterosexual act. the rating: nc-p no one admitted without accompanying parent, regardless of age. the scene: use of a particular slang word that is a vulgar reference to the sex act. the rating: r-a no children under 17 unless there is an adult in the theater. the scene: graphic depiction of a psycho killing dozens of people. the rating: r-m only, like, mature kids admitted. like, if you're totally immature, or a trenchcoat geek, no way! the scene: an action hero guns down hundreds of screaming bad guys. the rating: pg-ac children under 13 admitted only for the purpose of cooling off in air conditioning. the scene: an adorable cartoon puppy sings about finding his identity. the rating: g anyone admitted! filmmakers, if you don't like the above capricious system, edit down to this rating a quit whining. america can rest assured that in order to circumvent this system, a teenager would have to do something impossibly clever, like buying a ticket at a cineplex for a g-rated movie, and then walking into an nc-p movie. so enjoy, america!
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