Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 02, 1998
don't ya love the laws on hate crimes? with more hate crime legislation in the way, it's time to expand the popularity of these laws. they throw the door wide open for all kinds of laws that criminalize unpopular thoughts and beliefs, without running afoul of messy constitutional concerns. get ready for new, crowd-pleasing... thought crimes man, I enjoy punching people! max penalty: 2 years man, I enjoy punching people because of hatred! max penalty: 7 years crime max. penalty loitering $50 fine loitering in order to think or talk about racial hatred 5 years okay, pal! you'll have plenty of time for those thoughts in the slammer! crime max. penalty jaywalking $25 fine jaywalking in order to transport materials containing racial epithets 7 years ah, what have we here? huckleberry finn?! you'll be taking a little trip up the river yourself! crime max. penalty speeding $200 fine speeding in order to make it to an anti-government meeting 8 years didn't want to be late for your socialism discussion group, did you? crime max. penalty parking violation $100 fine parking violation while staging a flag-burning protest 10 years in a re-education camp that's your ford contour that's got an expired meter back on 11th!! try hiding behind your first amendment now!!
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