Ted Rall for May 12, 2003
Collect 'em all: Heoroes of the war on Iraq! Tech sgt. Blake "bloop and guts" Manley out of Bethesa MD: Predator drone plane controller. (Man: Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, DIE!) This shining paragon of courage launched hundreds of Hellfire missiles at Iraqi cars. Killed lots of people, probably. Awarded the purple heart for carpal tunnel syndrome. Pfc. Jessica "first of God" Killington out of the Indian ocean: Cruise missile operator. Pushed the button that sent the missile that maybe assassinated Saddam. Won congressional medal of bravery for a technically illegal technical act. (Man 2: An Iraqi was creeping up on me on the euphrates bridge when blam! Turns out Jessie spotted him on her satellite feed.) C.I.C. George "top Gun" Bush out of Washington DC: Flyboy. (Iraq might have fought back-if I hadn't disarmed 'em!) Signed the papers that Dick Cheney gave him, correctly spelling his full name. Refrained from activating ejection seat during flight from San Diego. Successfully evaded military recruiters 1968 to 1974.