Ted Rall for August 17, 2002
President-in-exile Al Gore. This time: re-election. But only if I feel America deserves me. It's been tough working as the legally-elected leader of the free world while Bushist thugs hunt him, but those dark days are about to end. We can't brag about our achievements - but no one can criticize our record! At first glance, everything seems perfect. By '04 people are going to want a president who knows to put a noun and a verb in every sentence. Grounds too! Wall street is really helping... The junta will have everyone unemployed by the Iowa caucus. What about the DNC? Kerrey and the others aren't gonna run - the nomination is yours. Thank God Lieberman promised to stay out of my way. But then - Sorry, Al, but I'm in! My country needs me... to support Bush! Et tu, Jospehus?! Next: one resistant too many!