Ted Rall for January 17, 2002
Fear them. Pity them. America's not-the-most wanted. Yeah? Hello, sergeant. My client would like to turn himself in. Midtown south NYPD precinct, Manhattan. Are you looking for Mr. Laden? I'm so tired of running. Hold on a minute. White house situation room. Holy moly! We can't let that boy testify in court! Back in New York. But my face is all over TV! I want the $25 million for my arrest. Get a clue, willya? They dropped bombs to warn you! If we wanted you, we would have sent in troops first! Later. All that "evil one" talk was for the cameras... America needs a bogey man, and you're it. You're no good to us sitting in prison... Now get outta here! I work at MTV. La-la-la-la can't hear you! Then: the name's Hussein-comma-Saddam. Got a cell for he? No! Hold on, I'll have an officer take you to the airport.