Ted Rall for August 28, 2000
Your presidential candidates present realistic promises that won't screw up America Symbolic subtleties! My first act will be to replace the drab primary blue in the American flag with a richer, royal, purpler blue befitting our democracy. Bait-and-switch tax cuts! First I'll raise your taxes. Then, when I'm running for re-election, I'll cut them by the same amount! Sounds good... I'll really need that tax cut! Extrajurisdictional social engineering! Not only will the ten commandments be posted in every school, I'll get rid of the icky commandments no one likes! Risk-free military action! I'm not waiting for the election to act against the isle of Antagrak - I'm nuking it myself tonight!