Ted Rall for August 26, 2000
4 contestants... $17,000... A real chance of death! Who's gonna win? Will it be...? Melanie, the 28 year old CPA from Fresno. I've trained my whole life for this... those $17,000 are mine! Or perhaps...? Brad, the gay aspiring botanist with a grudge. My knowledge of vegetable biology makes all the difference. Don't rule out...! Frank, the cranky former terrorist and metalhead. I don't care about winning. I care about inflicting pain. And there's always...! Rachel, the hot chick with no sex drive. My breasts are large, and that is my advantage. Who's gonna win? America wants to know! I will kill everyone on earth unless Brad wins. Except for Brad of course. And me. I'll die happily... Because Rachel rocks!!