Ted Rall for July 26, 1997
A basic call for common sense Guns are often blamed for horrible things: war, drive-by shootings, children who get their little heads shot off while their idiot dads are cleaning their rifles, and lots of other stuff. But what about all the good stuff guns do? What, you ask? Yep, good stuff... and here's some examples: This inner-city teacher bought her 12-gauge shotgun to defend herself on the bus. Now she uses it to keep order... and one of her kids is going to Harvard! Our class was sooo quiet! This battered wife uses her .45 magnum to fend off her abusive husband's drunken attacks - without it, she'd have to get a divorce! Shoot me in the leg! Shoot me in the leg! Little Joey Ninkins would be a closed-casket nightmare if he hadn't used his constitutionally protected right to bear a rocket launcher to stop a charging rhino in its tracks! OK, so it's a ram. Whatever. Drive! You could simply get up earlier, you know. This innocent salaryman was always late to work... then he bought a glock for carjacking his neighbors. Yet one more gainfully employed American! Guns: rational. logical. cool.