Ted Rall for April 28, 1997
By imperial decree, May 2 is National Irrelevance day. President: May 2nd will be America's first annual national day of irrelevance. It's a time to celebrate all of the national institutions that make our country great- the cultural manifestations that make us feel good about ourselves without actually changing anything! This is a time to revel in the outdated, to wallow in the inconsequential, to fete the cheesy and toast the inane! So, this May 2nd, do something that means nothing! Here's how disembodied Americans will spend national irrelevance day Woman: No doubt about it... spectator sports are the way to go! Man: I'm gonna see a musical! I love it when actors break out into song! Woman 2: I'm going to a poetry reading! Man 2: I'm getting married! Man 3: I'm going to vote in a primary- and change everything! Man 4: I'm stuck: I can't choose between opera and the New Yorker!