Ted Rall for November 30, 1996
My 60's Memories: By Ted "My Nostalgia Really Matters" This morning that stupid Mrs. Taylor (what a stupid name huh?) called mom at home and told her I failed my I.Q. test. That really weirded her (That's my mom) 'cause in her college class they teach her about kids and she thought I was supposed to be really smart and stuff. So anyway my mom says, Mrs. Taylor excuse me but if my son is barely functional then why does he have straight A's in class? How dumb does that make your other kids anyway? But, Mrs. Taylor must have thought about it a little because she told my mom I was an "overachiever" which is someone who really is dumb but works so hard that he comes off as smarter than he really is. But that doesn't make sense because how can you run faster than you can? Or can you life more weight than you're able to lift? Of course not! So how could I act smart but work so hard that nobody'd notice that I'm actually a mo-ron?! But Mrs. Taylor is even dumber than I am because she didn't get it and she says I need to see the school shrink because she's worried about me. At least I can always rehash these events over and over again, naybe in some lame cartoon. I know I can't draw, but by then everyone will have the same exact memories so they'll get a warm fuzzy feeling when they read this and I'll get the newspaper reprints and book royalties and all I have to do is end each one with something like a stupid brown dog barking going nuts jumping up and down and I take off running.