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Savage Chickens by Doug Savage for April 10, 2019
How to survive a shark attack. Keep your eye on the shark and move slowly toward safety. Don't make any sudden movements... Such as splashing, or jazz hands. If the shark comes at you, punch it in the gills, snout, or eyes. You won't hurt the shark, but it will be surprised by your audacity. If all else fails, try to confuse it with logical paradoxes. Chicken: This statement is false.
Alternatively, put on a bib from a Chinese restaurant, and stalk it with a knife, bowl, and a thermos of hot water.