Rubes by Leigh Rubin for November 30, 2020

Whoever says punctuation doesn’t matter should read this, note the comma, and go pluck themselves.

Yeah, they met the gentleman in the white suit, called himself a colonel too!!

the authorities suspect fowl play…

Invite them for dinner.

Waiter: “Yes, SIR, we WILL take you back to the kitchen to talk to the ‘idiot’ who made the sign…he’s our chef, as it happens…”

Waiter: Right this way customers. Btw if you’re feeling cold might I recommend the oven booth?

But for the “comma” the chicken was cooked.

Is that a chicken sandwich board?

Wow! That Lydia could feather my nest anytime.

“Let’s eat grandma!”

I have been known to fix signs at work at well. If you’re typing on a computer, there’s no need for misspelled words.

With Covid and all, I think the all you can eat buffet are a thing of the past.

Punctuation is important. My wife heard a radio announcer say this: “Saipov said President Trump should get the death penalty.”Now was that supposed to be:“Saipov,” said President Trump, “should get the death penalty”?It sounded like number 1.

First I mistook the pen for a knife.

Unfortunately for them, the owner of the establishment was an Oxford alumnus.

As a proofreader myself, I completely applaud your actions, Henry. By the way, you were delicious.

This reminds me of the fellow who saw a sign at the butcher’s for “free range chicken,” and didn’t understand why the cashier insisted he had to pay.