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Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for September 20, 2021

  1. Coyote
    eromlig  2 months ago

    At the end of their date, a young man takes the young woman back to her home. He decides to try for that first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the house siding next to the door, and, smiling, he says to her, “Darling, how ’bout a good night kiss?”

    Embarrassed, she replies, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. My parents will see us!”

    “Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”

    “No, please. I would just die of embarrassment if someone saw us.”

    “Aww — there’s nobody watching; they’re all sleeping!”

    “No way. It’s just too risky!”

    “Oh please, please, I like you so much!!”

    “No. I like you too, but I just can’t!”

    “Oh yes you can. Please?”

    “NO, no. I just can’t.”

    “Pleeeeease?…”

    Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl’s little sister opens the door in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: “Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!”

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  2. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  2 months ago

    Hey now my _Ripley’s Believe It Or Not _ pals! Here’s one for you. A guy gets a call one day from the IRS. An agent tells him, “We’ve been seeing some large sums moving in and out of your account so we’d like to talk to you about them. We’d like to see you in our office 9AM this Monday.” So on Monday morning, 9AM, he and his tax lawyer are sitting with an IRS agent who tells them the guy really has to account for these large transactions or there could be a full audit.The guys says, “Well, as it happens, I like to do a little gambling and usually I like to play for enough that it means something.” The agent says, “Really? These sums are all from gambling?”“Well not just straight up gambling.” the guy says. “Sometimes I just make bets. I’ll bet on just about anything!”The agent asked, “Can you give me an example of this?”“Sure!” the guy said. “Right now I’ll bet you $5000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent says, “Oh yeah? Tell you what. As unconventional as this is, you’re on!” So the guy takes out his glass eye and gently bites it and puts it back in. “Son of a gun!” the agent says.The guy says, “Now hang on. You being an IRS agent, I sure don’t wanna get you mad. I’m gonna give you a fair chance to win your money back and more even. I’ll bet you $7500 I can bite my other eye.” The agent’s thinking how he didn’t have a guide dog or a cane so so how can he be blind in both eyes so he says, “You’re on!” The guy takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye with them. The agent’s livid now. “Wait a minute!” the guy says. “I’ll be fair here. I’ll bet you $15,000 that if you slide this waste paper basket across to the other side of your desk I can pee from right here into the basket without getting a drop on anything in between. $15,000!” The agent thinks about this and says, “You’re on!” So the guy just drops his drawers, lets loose and pees all over the agent’s desk. “HA HA HA!!!” yells the agent. "I got you this time

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  3. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  2 months ago

    Hey now my _Ripley’s Believe It Or Not _ pals! Here’s one for you. A guy gets a call one day from the IRS. An agent tells him, “We’ve been seeing some large sums moving in and out of your account so we’d like to talk to you about them. We’d like to see you in our office 9AM this Monday.” So on Monday morning, 9AM, he and his tax lawyer are sitting with an IRS agent who tells them the guy really has to account for these large transactions or there could be a full audit.The guys says, “Well, as it happens, I like to do a little gambling and usually I like to play for enough that it means something.” The agent says, “Really? These sums are all from gambling?”“Well not just straight up gambling.” the guy says. “Sometimes I just make bets. I’ll bet on just about anything!”The agent asked, “Can you give me an example of this?”“Sure!” the guy said. “Right now I’ll bet you $5000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent says, “Oh yeah? Tell you what. As unconventional as this is, you’re on!” So the guy takes out his glass eye and gently bites it and puts it back in. “Son of a gun!” the agent says.The guy says, “Now hang on. You being an IRS agent, I sure don’t wanna get you mad. I’m gonna give you a fair chance to win your money back and more even. I’ll bet you $7500 I can bite my other eye.” The agent’s thinking how he didn’t have a guide dog or a cane so so how can he be blind in both eyes so he says, “You’re on!” The guy takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye with them. The agent’s livid now. “Wait a minute!” the guy says. “I’ll be fair here. I’ll bet you $15,000 that if you slide this waste paper basket across to the other side of your desk I can pee from right here into the basket without getting a drop on anything in between. $15,000!” The agent thinks about this and says, “You’re on!” So the guy just drops his drawers, lets loose and pees all over the agent’s desk. “HA HA HA!!!” yells the agent. "I got you this time

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  4. Img 2485
    stevesilver48  2 months ago
    “I got you this time!” The lawyer puts his head in his hand and groans loudly.

    The agent asks him, “What’s your problem?”The lawyer says, “On the way over he bet me $50,000 that he’dpee all over your desk and you’d love it.”BADABOOM!!! Hope you guys liked that one. Happy Monday to All! Silver. Out!

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  5. 205902c7 40fb 4bbe 8c7e 79a7c01f3861
    jasonsnakelover  2 months ago

    Amy Walmiero-Pinters One time I ran 101 miles in 21 hours, 43 minutes, and 28 seconds.

    One time I sold a stamp for $8.4. So that stamp is worth more than a Renaissance painting like the Mona Lisa?

    A bristlecone pine in eastern California has lived for 5,000 years.

    May the Lord be with you.

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  6. 050183f1 cde3 43dc 88f8 09278c0caf15
    TEMPLO S.U.D.  2 months ago

    How could anyone not notice a cat going aboard an airplane before closing the gate when ready for takeoff?

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    Susan00100  2 months ago

    That stowaway cat was probably using his frequent-flyer meows.

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  8. Aus flag. gif
    Tossle Premium Member 2 months ago

    But do you think the owner of the stamp feels satisfied…..‘Look at me….I paid $8.3 million for a stamp’…..‘Well, that’s nice’…

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    therese_callahan2002  2 months ago

    “I’m tired of all these cats on a plane!”

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  10. 08 09 165
    Ron Gray  2 months ago

    Hmmm, they can make anti-matter in a lab now, but only a few molecules suspended in a magnetic field. To pay to make an ounce of this stuff would cost more money than there is in the world. Wouldn’t that make it (gram for gram) the most expensive man made object on the world?

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  11. Photo
    FrankErnesto  2 months ago

    Donald Duck found that stamp in 1955.

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  12. Tarot
    Nighthawks Premium Member 2 months ago
    musta wore a diaper
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  13. Huckandfish
    Huckleberry Hiroshima  2 months ago

    No catnip, no peace.

    Take care, may relied upon hatchet repair and sharpener woman Lizzie “I Want My Allowance” Bordenord be with you, and gesundheit.

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  14. Hm
    cdnalor  2 months ago

    I believe a gram of printer ink is the second most expensive human-made object.

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    Nala the Great  2 months ago

    If they didn’t make an emergency landing there might have been a (CAT)astrophe!

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    DawnQuinn1  2 months ago

    OK. Right now there are NO comments about the comic content, only about Eromlig’s joke of the day. Maybe he needs his own comic.

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    Jogger2  2 months ago

    Given that cockpits of passenger jets now have reinforced doors, I was wondering how the cat got into the cockpit. Investigators don’t know for sure, but they think the cat entered the aircraft when it was being serviced inside a hangar. The cat hid, and came out of hiding 30 minutes after takeoff.

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    markhughw  2 months ago

    That’s about 13 minutes per mile

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  19. Large bearfront
    paranormal  2 months ago

    After that flight, the pilot knew what a cat fight was like…

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  20. Loudly crying face 1f62d
    I'm Sad  2 months ago

    Cats are good at getting into places. They get into ball games and everything else. They would make great spies… Oh, wait… That didn’t work very well…

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    Malcome1  2 months ago

    It is only that valuable because one person decided to pay that much for it. I bet in the right circumstances a glass of water would be more valuable to him, if he was dying of thirst for example. The correct terms would be cost or expensive, not valuable.

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    Malcome1  2 months ago

    RBION has now become Today’s Current Events?

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    UnklGene  2 months ago

    The “Intercom Button!”

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    schaefer jim  2 months ago

    First case of a catjacking. I hope the case goes to an all dog jury.

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  25. Dvincent
    dv1093  2 months ago

    I’m not being snarky here, but I keep thinking that 100 miles in 21.75 miles isn’t that remarkable. What am I missing? Now I realize, walking for 21+ hours is a lot, but I think most of us could do it if we had to – even with a prosthetic leg.

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  26. Coyote
    eromlig  2 months ago

    Did anyone do the math on that treadmill “feat”? It was moving just slightly faster that 4-1/2mph — not very much faster than a walking speed. Sorry; I’m not impressed.

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  27. Missing large
    pbr50138  2 months ago

    I could run ONE mile in that amount of time…maybe.

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