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Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for March 02, 2021

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    stevesilver48  8 months ago

    Hiya Folks. Before I drop my bon mot for the night let me have a mot with *_louienpat*_ and J. R. M. who say my jokes are old, which of course, they are. There are no new jokes. Doubt me? Take the Silver Challenge. Tell me one I never heard. How will we know if I’ve heard it? Tell me a joke half way through and see if I can’t finish it. C’mon. Make me laugh. Take the Silver Challenge. Tell me a joke I haven’t heard. If it’s any good I’ll admit it loudly, send it to my pals and give you full credit for it, and stand corrected.Remember. Just tell your joke half way. See if I can’t finish it.

    And you know something? THAT’S my good word for the evening.I really didn’t have a joke at the ready and all this is wrecking havoc on my literary pursuits. (Did that sound a bit snooty?)OK? Wait for it now… SILVER! OUT!

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  2. Coyote
    eromlig  8 months ago

    Hospital regulations require patients being discharged to be wheeled out in a wheelchair. A student nurse, fresh out of the Marine Corps, notices a fully-dressed man sitting on a bed with a suitcase at his feet. “I’ll get you a wheelchair, Sir,” says the student.

    “No, I’m fine, really,” the man says.

    The marine-turned-nurse will not be deterred, however. “Sir, you will get in the wheelchair – it’s the hospital’s rule!” And without further argument, the man sits in the wheelchair.

    The burly nurse-in-training reaches the lobby with his charge. “Now is your wife coming to pick you up?” he asks the man.

    “I really doubt it,” the man replies. “She’s still up in the room behand a curtain, changing out of her hospital gown.”

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    stevesilver48  8 months ago

    Capone strikes me as looking more like a trumpet player.

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    monkeysky  8 months ago

    It’s called a hogshead because that’s how much beer a hog could drink back then before it went to its head

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    Leroy Premium Member 8 months ago

    You don’t want to see the hog they based that measurement on!

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    Leroy Premium Member 8 months ago

    ♫ Misty taste of moonshine teardrop in my eyes ♫

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    TEMPLO S.U.D.  8 months ago

    So if not half a hogshead, what are 31 and one-half gallons called as?

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    Gent  8 months ago

    How do you know if the galaxy isn’t suffering from a temporary flatulence issue?

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    Bilan  8 months ago

    Can you imagine being stuck in prison AND listening to banjo music, but you don’t dare complain to the guy about it?

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    Chris Overman  8 months ago

    A hogs head can be anywhere between 54 Gls and 140 Gls dependent on what is the item, a UK beer Hogshead is 54 Imperial Gallons.

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    aimlesscruzr  8 months ago

    The first time I heard the term hogshead was in a song:

    “Over men and horses, hoops and garters Lastly through a hogshead of real fire”

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    ncorgbl  8 months ago

    My ex mother-in-law’s nickname, they said you could put lipstick on her but it did no good.

    Capone could play the mandola and the ‘Chicago Typewriter’ with equal skill.

    Upon further review, it was just ‘Borscht Night’ on the space station when the Russian cosmonauts were there.

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    Huckleberry Hiroshima  8 months ago

    That’s no dying galaxy, that’s my ex.

    Take care, may renowned proctologist Dr. Meindaumen Riecht Schlechtord be with you, and gesundheit.

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    jasonsnakelover  8 months ago

    Cal Apone

    One time I saw a galaxy bleeding out 10,001 suns’ worth of gas every year.

    May the Lord be with you.

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    cactusbob333  8 months ago

    Just call me a dying galaxy.

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    Indianapolis Smith  8 months ago

    So is that gas regular or premium?

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    WCraft Premium Member 8 months ago

    Wow – that would hold a lot of head cheese!

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    bhamdodger  8 months ago

    What kind of gas?

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    viperfuel60  8 months ago

    Are those gallons US or Imperial

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    diegot  8 months ago

    One time, jasonsnakelover had a barrel that held 62 gallons!

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    Craig Westlake  8 months ago

    That musta’ been one HELL of a flat tire…

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    The Duke  8 months ago

    Steve and Eromlig are hunting in the forest and they find some tracks, “What kind of tracks do you think these are Steve?” asked Eromlig, “bear tracks?”, “no” said Steve. “Deer tracks?”, “no” said Steve. “How about…..”, just then they were hit by a train.

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    ChessPirate  8 months ago

    Banjo? Then what’s he got in that violin case? ☺

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    Stephen Gilberg  8 months ago

    Fartians of the Galaxy. “I am Toot.”

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    stevesilver48  8 months ago

    Test

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    Nick Evetts Premium Member 8 months ago

    Galaxy ID2299 is dying because it’s losing gas following a merger with another galaxy https://english.tachyonbeam.com/2021/01/12/galaxy-id2299-is-dying-because-its-losing-gas-following-a-galaxy-merger/

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    pbr50138  7 months ago

    The post about Al Capone being in a band, is news to me.

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