Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for July 19, 2015

Transcript:

Cobra Carson: Let me get this straight! To inherit tons of pirate booty- I have to make Rip my man-slave? Woman: And how! It's pirate-law! All Queens must first break an unbreakable man! Voice: It's done- we have Haywire and his mutt! TNT: He thinks this silky coat is a product of a mutt breed? I'm offended. Rip Haywire: Just so you know- I'm rolling my eyes at you. Cobra Carson: Haywire's here? Who told you to capture him? Woman: I thought it'd be a nice welcome home gift for you, my Queen. Cobra Carson: It is, but this gal likes to pretend to let Rip capture her. Then, when I escape and he doesn't get killed-he knows I love him. Woman: That is so sweet- I have so much to learn from you, my Queen. Cobra Carson: Also, when I shoot him, I never aim at major arteries. Rip Haywire: Capturing me only made it easier for me to stop your evil pirate booty, Cobra! Cobra Carson: Oh, Rip, lighten up. Cobra Carson: That knife at your throat means "welcome" in pirate! Woman: Actually, My queen, he will die if he makes any sudden moves. Cobra Carson: And that hood over your face is all part of the naughty pirate fun! Woman: Actually it's so he doesn't know where he is and will die horribly if he escapes. Cobra Carson: Gawd, you really are a moment stealer, Crystal. Woman: Actually, it's "special-time burglar." Rip Haywire: No way will I be your man-slave! I don't care how hot you look with an eyepatch and a hook hand!