Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for May 24, 2015
Rip Haywire: Breezy, what the heck are you doing in jail? Breezy: Saving you, that's what! I get points for trying, right? They were charging an insane amount for buffering and twirlers, so I pocketed them. I was going to pay them back later. I swear! Listen, Rip, just give them some money so we can get out of there. Rip Haywire remembering the may saying: She will hang tomorrow for stealing that Buffering. Rip Haywire: I hope you stole extra-strength buffering, because we're going to need it. Breezy: Twizzler? They're going to hang me? For stealing buffering? Expired Buffering?!? Rip Haywire: I'll think of something. Breezy: Quit trying to think and do something useful! Get me outta here! Rip Haywire: Breezy, easy! Easy! Breezy: Sorry, Rip, bean' on the inside has hardened me. Man: Well, good night, judge. It ws fun drinking and conspiring with you. Man 2: Ah, yes, you too, Sheriff. By the way... we can't really hang that redhead for stealing some Buffering. Man 1: No... she's going to hang for killing the judge. Man 2: Your call, whatever. Wait, I'm the only judge in town!! GAAAAH!! Man 1: You really shouldn't have sold me out on that land deal! Rip Haywire: Sheesh, no wonder small towns are dying out! Breezy: Rip! Rip! There's a mob forming outside! They say I murdered the judge!