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Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for February 10, 2015
Woman: That's Tahiti and his bodyguards! Rip Haywire: Kiwi?! Kiwi, are you in there? Who's in there with you? I can't risk capture, kid. We need to go. Woman: I can't go back to my village unless Tahiti Jones is dead. Rip Haywire: And I wanted a cabbage patch koosa when I was a kid, but I got an AK-47 instead! Seriously! Those things were plush and plastic nightmare fuel! Rip Haywire: They weren't creepy, they were adorable! Now, jump!