Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for September 26, 2020
distracted driver forecast please be advised of the following inattentive drivers during your commute tomorrow morning. note: cell phone users, being too numerous, are not listed. fooling with the seat adjustments in hopes of bettering car's feng shui. been picking his nose for the last three miles. harried by pack of feral cooper minis npr listener driven to tears by latest sensitive reportage. sees his dog tailgating him on a segway. antsy ferret loose somewhere in car. spots arch-fiend the joker in hov lane. must reach utility belt. sudden insight into nature of matter & cosmos. oop - it's gone. hey, you try to drive while eating steamed crabs.