Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for September 26, 2020
September 25, 2020
September 27, 2020
Transcript:
distracted driver forecast please be advised of the following inattentive drivers during your commute tomorrow morning. note: cell phone users, being too numerous, are not listed. fooling with the seat adjustments in hopes of bettering car's feng shui. been picking his nose for the last three miles. harried by pack of feral cooper minis npr listener driven to tears by latest sensitive reportage. sees his dog tailgating him on a segway. antsy ferret loose somewhere in car. spots arch-fiend the joker in hov lane. must reach utility belt. sudden insight into nature of matter & cosmos. oop - it's gone. hey, you try to drive while eating steamed crabs.
As a driver with an unblemished record, I pride myself on my ability to remain focused and undistracted until my hot dog squirts out of the bun and rolls under the seat while I’m trying to snap a pick of the bikini babe in the convertible next to me causing me to drop my beer and … [CRASH!]