Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 24, 2020
teddy roosevelt built a treehouse in a cherry tree on the tidal basin that was used as a presidential retreat up through the nixon years. nixon: uh-oh. enemies. no girls or jews the official peak blossom date is secretly controlled by exec-utives of the rand corporation, haliburton and nbc-4 weather-man bob ryan. exec 1: may 20th. bob: july 6th. exec 2: i say we skip it entirely this year. on that day, kitsch-starved tourists arrive by the billions, hoping for just a glimpse of the pale, fragile blossoms. oop: there's one! driver 1: sakura driver 2: shut up! here's a tip for first-time visitors: cherry blossoms make a tasty & nutritious cole slaw! so when you go down to the tidal basin, bring along the mayonnaise! wife: mmmm-yummy! hey - where'd you get the pancakes?