Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 17, 2020
alternacensus for those who find the quadrennial census unfulfilling, the census bureau has devised the following more creative forms. the novelization form woman: i've established the protagonist, person 1, as a 34-year-old unmarried black, african am. or negro female who commutes 23 minutes by subway or elevated to her job as a systems analyst, and now i'm blocking. the video form cameraman: we'll do a montage of our complete plumbing facilities and lay in some bernard herrmann cues on the soundtrack to heighten the tension. oop: abso-fab-u-mongous. the graphic novelization form cartoonist: i've introduced agents of the census bureau as minions of zorgon, the evil alien hive-mind from uranus. hey! in your face, census bureau! the craft project form lady: i've made a family memory book with favorite photos, letters, pressed flowers, baby hair trimmings, dental records, tissues samples, gene sequences and my recipe for apricot pancakes! the poetry form poet: icelebrate myself & sing myself; i also celebrate & sing the seven other people living or staying in this house, apartment or mobile home on april 1, 2000. the homage to "stomp" form wham wham bang bang smash oop: oops. please keep all interpretive dances to 38 minutes.