Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 22, 2019
If, however, you find lizards creepy, try this instead - lie in a dark room. Now picture a tranquil scene, a meadow, say. All is serene. A sun - dappled brook murmurs peacefully, and a soothing breeze lightly stirs your hair. Then BOOM - this guy jumps out from behind a tree, he's playing a kazoo and he's juggling! He's juggling chainsaws and chihuahuas! No! No! It's horrible! Fur is flying everywhere! Abort! Abort! Man: Agh When all else fails there's always the old stanbdy - have your head cryogenically pre-served until the hangover passes and you're back to your old self again. And best of all, afterwards they give you ice cream! Woman: Feeling better? Man: Mm-hm.