Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for October 21, 2016
Transcript:
what's new at the zoo? great ape career center. we train our primates in a variety of skills, increasing their options should their habitat vanish. woodworking, welding, garment sewing, etc. our chimps are now typing 120 words a minute! we've gone 18 minutes without an accident keep up the good work! springer monkeys! the most embarrasing monkey alive! lust, treachery, jealousy, incest, feces-throwing & tacky make-overs! come watch the fur fly! man: eeyick baby snallygaster. step right in the apocryphal mammal house & cast your eyes on "peaches." the 2-week-old fire-spitting, poison-tailed half-eagle part-lizard & one quarter irritable daschunt! no flash photos or direct eye contact, please. peaches: brup. assimilating bears. they'll try to fit in anywhere! please be sure to count your aprty as you exit the zoo. and check out the poetic mole rats rat 1: pandas are cloying, tedious and blah, two-tone fuzzy cuddly cures for in-som-ni-a. rat 2: pandas are boring, all they ever do is couple unsuccessfully and digest their bamboo. rat 3: pandas are tiresome, and they're not real bears, they're practically marsupials, if anybody cares.
Liverlips McCracken Premium Member over 7 years ago
Now I REALLY want to see the snallygaster.
Ermine Notyours over 7 years ago
The National Zoo has or used to have free-ranging monkeys. I visited in September, just after they had been pulled for the season. Free-ranging bears would be good too.
pumaman over 7 years ago
Poetic and denigrating mole rats!
Night-Gaunt49[Bozo is Boffo] over 7 years ago
Snallygosters don’t have legs and a large horn behind their alligator-like heads. Covered in a kind of fur.
finnygirl Premium Member over 7 years ago
Watch out…I think the Borg must have gotten to those bears and assimilated them. Resistance was futile.
Sisyphos over 7 years ago
What a cheery little tune as our end-note today! (Mildly sarcastic.)