Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for February 15, 2016
The Language of Valentines I think you're ducky Cute little card I love you. Let's elope at recess. Scented bath salts I love you, but you have smell issues. Expensive perfume The scented bath salts are not working. A single perfect rose I love you anal retentively. A single perfect chocolate I love you, but I got hungry. Lacy underthings I'm thinking of Tyra Banks. No! You! I'm thinking of you. Huggywuv Beargram & Jellybeans My ador for you Doris that up Romeo for Juliet. O! fain would I linger in thy sweet arms but alas! For I've eaten all the jellybeans, too.