Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for April 04, 2013
Transcript:
april is national poetry month! beowulf in under 90 seconds here's a famous poem condensed! king: damn. click the monster grendel is ravaging the country, devouring likewise warriors, maidens, merchants & passersby, effectively slowing the flow of tourist dollars to a thin trickle, much to the consternation of king hrothgar. whap whap comes the hero beowulf, who slays the monster grendel by pulling his (grendel's) arm clean off & slapping him with it fiercely about the head. beo: freeze! beowulf next deals with the monster grendel's mother in a bloody & protracted battle with much potential for cinematic spectacle given the right director (john woo?) & a sufficient budget. the grateful king hrothgar now gives beowulf the hand of his beloved daughter, princess wideload. beowulf opens a hero-themed restaurant where they slaughter the oven right at your table.
Those Thespian lions can be pretty terrifying. Or not, depending on the acting choices:
Bottom: Let me play the lion too: I will roar, that I will do any man’s heart good to hear me; I will roar, that I will make the duke say ‘Let him roar again, let him roar again!’Quince: An you should do it too terribly, you would fright the duchess and the ladies, that they would shriek; and that were enough to hang us all.Snug: That would hang us, every mother’s son.Bottom: I grant you, friends, if that you should fright the ladies out of their wits, they would have no more discretion but to hang us: but I will aggravate my voice so that I will roar you as gently as any sucking dove; I will roar you an ’twere any nightingale.