i am groot
If this comment gets featured I reveal my face.
Girl: I’ll buy the Rubik’s cube, what are you buying?
Boy: I’ll buy this comb
Girl: But you have no hair, what’s the use in buying a comb?
Boy: Exactly! Then what’s the point in buying a Rubik’s cube if you have no brain?
Friend: Did you know adults have deep dark secrets and can easily be manipulated?
Boy: Really! When I get home I’ll have to test it!
The boy gets home
Boy: Mom, I know everything!
Mom: Here’s $20, don’t tell your father!
An hour later
Boy: Dad, I know everything!
Dad: Here’s $20, just don’t tell your mother!
The mailman knocks on the door
Boy: I know everything, mister
Mailman: Well then come give daddy a hug!
Lawyer: Did you see my client commit this burglary?
Old Man: Yes, I clearly saw him stealing!
Lawyer: This happened at night, are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?
Old Man: Yes! I saw him do it!
Lawyer: Listen, you’re 80 years old and your eyesights probably bad
Lawyer: How far can you see at night?
Old Man: I can see all the way to the moon
Guy: I have 2 friends in the car waiting to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetics just pull the tooth out and be done with it!
Dentist: That’s not a good idea, you won’t be able to stand the pain
Guy: We have a tee time for 10:00 AM at the best course in town, it’s already 9:30. I don’t have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!
Dentist: Which tooth is it, sir?
Guy: Babe, open your mouth and show him!
Luke: Hey Nathan, can you fix my computer?
Nathan clicks 1 button
Luke: So what was wrong?
Nathan: It was an 1D 10 T error
Luke: An ID 10 T error? What is that in case I have to fix it again?
Nathan: Haven’t you ever heard of an ID 10 T error before?
Nathan: Write it down and I think you’ll figure it out
Son: Can I have money for a gym membership?
Mom: Will you become John Cena by going to the gym?
Son: Am I becoming Einstein by going to school?
Boy: Mom, what will I get for my birthday?
Mom: Close your eyes for a couple seconds
Mom: Now what do you see?
Boy: I see nothing
Mom: And that’s what you’re gonna get!
Stranger: Can you give me a push?
Man: Not a chance! It’s 3 in the morning!
Lady: Who was that?
Man: Just some guy asking for a push
Lady: Did you help him?
Man: No, It’s 3 in the morning and it’s pouring rain out there!
Lady: Don’t you remember 3 months ago when our vehicle broke down and those guys helped us?
Lady: Get out there and help him! You should be ashamed of yourself!
The man goes outside
Man: Do you still need the push?
Stranger: Yes please!
Stranger: Over there on the swing