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  1. 20 days ago on Dilbert Classics

    OMG! I had a friend who had an engineering office and one day he came in and found everyone was doing nothing. He asked what was up and they handed him a copy of a notice, apparently further down the road an unfortunate accident a severed the cables for telephone, internet and just about everything except power.His guys asked if he was gonna pay them for the time off or what and he said, "When I started out in engineering, we didn’t have an internet, we did our work with these old things you guys have tried to throw out, they are called catalogs and in them is everything you need to design equipment. As it happens we do have cellular connections so call them if you have any odd questions not covered by the catalog. They protested and he took a page from my book of management, and told them that he would be accepting resignation following the meeting. Then he got up and said, “Get at it, or get out.”.He told me it was amazing, because suddenly his guys had a whole other perspective on things.

  2. 21 days ago on Dilbert Classics

    I pissed off the IT guy at a company I was doing work for once. He, the IT department demanded I come in and do the design work on one of their in house computers. However, when I got there I discovered that nothing seemed to work. Couldn’t get internet access, couldn’t import templates or specs. I’d go and complain and was told what I wanted was impossible. I invited him to come to my office where it all worked like a charm and see for himself. He declined, so I told the Engineering Manager I was going to require a large increase of funds to offset the problem with their system which had not been part of the original proposal.He called the IT Manager, who said he was too busy, so he said for him to get his overweight ass in his office or we were coming to his. He comes and starts a tryrade about how none of this is possible and I again offered him to come see mine work. So he went to import a template from a vendor’s website and it failed several times., And finally I told him to keep doing the same thing over and over again with the same result was insane. He screamed the problem was me, to which I said, "It ain’t my shit that don’t work. " Then I looked at the Engineering Manager and said, “I’m going back to my office to finish this design. Mind you it won’t work on this system you boy here has glued together for you, but that wasn’t in the original proposal.”Later that day I got a call they were in need of a new IT Manager, I gave him the bane of a really good one.

  3. 25 days ago on Dilbert Classics

    I recall telling a guy who’d just inherited his father’s business and he was lamenting that he just didn’t know how to make the business grow. I laughed and said, “That’s because your dad was happy where everything was, he’d not invested in new and modern equipment, he’d not expanded his operational base. The whole place was like it was in a a time warp from the early eighties.” Mind you, this was 2004. He couldn’t do sheet metal in house. He couldn’t do anything but manual welding. He had no plasma tables, water jets, lasers CNC equipment, all the basic stuff you needed to keep as much of the operation and money in your own control. Then he wanted me to come in and ramrod getting his shop up to snuff and ready for the “next generation”. I told him I wasn’t interested, and anything this big needed to have him sitting right at the helm.He wound up selling the business and works for someone else as an electrician now. Last time I talked to him he was whining and crying about how much money he might have made.

  4. about 1 month ago on Dilbert Classics

    I worked with a fellow who came to the company and he and I got along fine. Then one day we heard the Plant Manager was being promoted, and whenever that happens there is always concern over who the next guy will be. So we got our memo on the new hire PM. And the new guy looked like he’d pooped his pants.So , I asked what was up, and he said he worked with this guy at his previous company. He said, he’d be updating his resume ASAP, that the guy had one management style and that was to cut people to save money. I always kept mine updated and so I put out some feelers to see what was available and the guy who was head hunting for me asked why the change, so I told him what I was told about the new PM, he said he’d do some checking.A week later I get a call from him and he said, "Damn Bro, run. This guy will fire people, just to show people he will fire people. When he was at company “X” he fired the entire planning department because their manager refused to let him just arbitrarily change the production schedule. “Not just the Manager but the whole effen department, right down to the secretary.” The new PM arrived a few days later and I had an interview, the next week I had a new job. I turned in my Letter of Resignation and began tying up project and getting them ready to hand off. When the new guy came in smiled and said, “Ok, I been fired.” I asked why and it seems the new PM didn’t want him telling people about his past, so he fired him. Gave him five minutes to clean out his stuff. At that point I decided no to work my notice and gathered up my stuff. I couldn’t leave with him but I gave my boss a heads up I was gonna go ahead and leave because when the PM found out I was leaving he’d throw me out anyway. So my boss went ahead and did the paperwork so I could get my two weeks resigning money and not have to work, but I had to be out by the end of the day.

  5. about 1 month ago on Dilbert Classics

    Yeah, the product not working is not a valid reason not to ship. Ask Microsoft.

  6. about 2 months ago on Dilbert Classics

    There you go ruining it with that word again. “Correct”

  7. 2 months ago on Dilbert Classics

    I have worked with females who stank to high heaven with perfume and every hour or two put more on because according to them, “it wears off”. We were in a meeting one day and it was a long meeting for trying to get a new produce and all of us were choking to death, teary eyed, nasal, sneezing and we took a break and came back and she’d “freshen up”. We had to move the meeting from the conference room to the loading dock so no one passed out. The good news is we could smoke since it was outside. And yes, that was better than gagging on her effen perfume.

  8. 2 months ago on Dilbert Classics

    That’s almost as good as the laptop they gave him. Dilbert only had to show him how to reboot it twice I think it was.

  9. 3 months ago on Dilbert Classics

    Ah yes, ISO 9000 audits. We did business with a lot of european countries so we had to be audited by a European third party group. Give them tea, cookies and let them eat at McDonald’s and they’d pass you every time without fail. I left that company and they gave the job of being “in charge” of the audits to another fellow who didn’t have a clue. Then he called me and wanted to know how to pass, as they’s failed the audit under him.He didn’t do anything special for them, he did have coffee and donuts, which didn’t go over well at all. What was really funny is they kept asking where I was, as they’d always enjoyed their audits better when I was there.So, I told him what he needed to do and he freaked out, “You have any idea how much that will cost?” I answered, “I know exactly how much it costs. The question is, do you realize how much not being in compliance is costing the company right now?” Honestly, just like a management idiot, worried about three hundred dollars worth of cookies and tea and can’t see the hundreds of thousands of dollars in sales they aren’t getting as a result of not having a current ISO 9000 certification.

  10. 3 months ago on Dilbert Classics

    Take him down Wally! Take him down!!!