Because a drop dead gorgeous girlfriend deserves a perfect boyfriend. Now clean up your mess, Lil, and give your intelligent handsome man a hug.
Matthew is likely a character from her book, but my first thought was her classroom’s pet gerbil.
Precisely! That’s the only thing I remember about their speeches.
When I graduated with my associate’s degree, our speaker made a joke about us remembering years later who the speaker was, but not remembering anything that was said (it was Gen. Colin Powell). Years later, at my bachelor’s ceremony, the speaker (Condoleezza Rice) made the same joke. They were both right.
Honey is bee vomit, so this bee is drinking its own vomit. Of course he thinks it sucks!
This is why the father-in-law prefers golf.
A gilded cage is still a cage.
That’s how I feel about wooden cutting boards. Mine’s granite.
The sign’s there because there’s also a hidden camera aimed at the crosswalk. The best dances will be posted to a YouTube channel.
Unfortunately, I have a cat that likes to play with the toilet roll when it’s properly hung up. That’s why mine sits on the window sill where she can’t get it.