Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 22, 2020


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    BE THIS GUY Premium Member 11 days ago

    Would it be Newtonian if the person ahead of you in line was buying Fig Newtons™️?

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    hariseldon59  11 days ago

    An offshoot of Murphy’s Law.

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    oompa  11 days ago

    And that person will only start looking at the menu and deciding what they want once they get to the front of the line.

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    DennisinSeattle Premium Member 11 days ago

    Force needs to be applied to increase the velocity of that person moving through the line.

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    Renatus Profuturus Frigeridus Premium Member 11 days ago

    And wear a hat .

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    luvdafuneez  11 days ago

    (Sigh) I sure miss the crocs. I even miss Guard Duck.

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    sirbadger  11 days ago

    Or you think she’s almost done, but there is some kind of dispute or question that requires a manager and nobody can find the manager.

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    JimmyLewis  11 days ago

    In my experience they don’t fumble for change. They write a check.

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    blunebottle  11 days ago

    Not Newtonian, but accurate.

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    SonneIsrael  11 days ago

    There is Newton scrambled wenton aa a beatdown of externals rattifiedfor eternal frustration for goat.

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    EcurbYkspohs  11 days ago

    Rat why are you in a hurry to go nowhere ? … Croc Power !

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    tudza Premium Member 11 days ago

    Observational bias and a poor understanding of statistics. Or Karma, Rat.

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    paul_jowitt  11 days ago

    If you leave late for work, every traffic light will be red and every other driver will be at least 80 years old and driving at half the speed limit. If you leave early for work absolutely none of this happens.

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    dwane.scoty1  11 days ago

    …any delay during check-out, is compounded by miscommunication through face Masks!

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    jpayne4040  11 days ago

    I can pretty much count on this one. It happens every time I don’t use the self-checkout (which has its own maddening issues).

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    gsawyer101  11 days ago

    Isn’t Calculus (not a big fan) his real big contribution?

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    #Rad-ish  Premium Member 10 days ago

    What was the total? Let me get out my checkbook. What day is it? What was the total again? My pen isn’t working…

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    LilyGilder  10 days ago

    I am always behind the person who drops a penny on the floor. As I watch it roll out of sight, I know my ice cream will thaw before that penny is found!

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    Carolyn Saunders  10 days ago

    Ain’t that the truth

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    TampaFanatic1  10 days ago

    Common pet peeves are all Murphy law related; if you are hungry at a fast food outlet and the line is long the person in front of you will take forever to order with numerous obtuse questions and then when they get their food will find fault so that you have to wait even longer and the line at a drive through can be even worse when someone refuses to leave the pick up window until their order is correct while you are waiting right behind them….. At the grocer, similar scenario, someone right in front off you will dispute a price or have an item which requires a price check where the bag boy takes an eon to find the price and then if you are having a particularly bad day the cashiers change shifts so the manager pulls the till and the new cashier meticulously takes their time getting set up, simply a fact of life but if you are not in a hurry expect smooth sailing……… Waiting at the ATM can also be an experience if one is in a hurry, the machine runs out of money right before your turn sending you to the back of other lines or the guy in front of you goes through a half dozen cards which are maxed out……….

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    Plumbob Wilson  10 days ago

    …And have three credit cards declined for insufficient funds.

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    NeedaChuckle Premium Member 10 days ago

    Went to the drive thru at the bank. The car in front decided to put on a show. Driver(D), front passenger(FP) and rear passenger(RP). FP shouts to the teller, box opens and D takes slip. D gives slip to FP. FP fills out slip and passes it to RP. RP passes back to FP and FP gives to D to give to teller. I guess they wanted everyone to handle it!! Then FP is shouting to teller again and box opens. D takes a slip, and we get an encore!!! I had nowhere to go and was listening to the radio in fascination at the performance. Luckily there was only ONE encore. My transaction took about 30 seconds as I am a lousy performance artist.

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    Acworthless  10 days ago

    “The amount of time it takes for the first driver in a line of traffic at a stop light to notice the light has changed to green is directly proportional to the number of cars in the line and inversely proportional to the patience of the driver of the second car in line.”

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    jessie d. Premium Member 10 days ago

    don’t forget the coupons of which a goodly portion have expired.

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    wrd2255  10 days ago

    Haww, that law was from was Isaac’s Irish cousin, Seanus Murphy.

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    iggyman  10 days ago

    At the grocery store, the person in line questions a price, they have to get the manager, and then when that is settled they pay with a check they then proceed to write!

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    Andrew Sleeth Premium Member 10 days ago

    No, no, it’s usually some rich blue blood who wants to dispute the price of every item, and then insists on paying with a personal check.

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    smoore47  10 days ago

    There’s always someone in front of me at the grocer who waits until the entire bill is rung up before pulling out their wallet/purse to insert the card or (infrequently) write a check.

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    bikamper  10 days ago

    I’m sorry, but I have tried to break my wife of the habit of digging in her purse for exact change for 45 years.

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    Roger Merritt  10 days ago

    There’s a story that back in the ‘80s, when Bill Gates was already rich, he went to the store one day to buy a pint of ice cream. He stood at the check-out for several minutes as he fumbled through all his pockets. "I’m sure I had a 25¢ coupon here somewhere." Finally a big, burly guy standing behind him tossed a quarter on the counter and said, “Here, big shot, now get out of the way.”

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    Masterskrain Premium Member 10 days ago

    Don’t forget about getting in line behind the fully loaded grocery cart with 2 DIFFERENT ORDERS that have to be sorted out before being paid for separately, so grandma has to make sure HER stuff is paid for separately from the rest of the order… and she writes a check… as does her daughter…

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    JohnTheFoole  10 days ago

    “Exact Change”….

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    EllisAmirRogersArcher  10 days ago

    Here’s some gravity: A bunch of stuff on a shelf falling on you.

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    Zebrastripes  10 days ago

    …or hold up the line with 15 coupons and a credit card….

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    shelworth  10 days ago

    And will write a CHECK! (google it if you don’t know what a check is)

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    timinwsac Premium Member 10 days ago

    I don’t have to be in a hurry……any line that I pick will turn into the slowest one.

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    COL Crash  10 days ago

    Here’s another one: No matter which check out line you get into, it will end up being the slowest one of them all.

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    kandor8  10 days ago

    With coupons too.

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    FredWaiss  10 days ago

    My own natural law discovery: A tail wind never helps as much as a head wind hinders.

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    wvrr  10 days ago

    The person in front of you will seem surprised that they have actually to pay for their groceries and start looking for their purse for a debit card.

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    davids.comments  10 days ago

    Newton also was tasked to run the royal mint and to seek a way to prevent counterfeiting of coins.

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    klmccall  10 days ago

    When you play golf, you get behind the Galapagos foursome.

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    LaughterIsJoyMuliplied  10 days ago

    In the Dark Ages, before register scanners, Readers Digest (an actual print magazine) had a story about someone in a checkout line (pre-Corona virus, no social distancing) and two customers in front of that person a shopper had an item that had no price sticker (remember those impossible to remove items?). The clerk picked up their mike (no headset) and asked for a price check. The person needing the price check bemoaned, " Why is it that if there is only one item on the shelf that has no price sticker, that is the one I’ll pick up?" and the person next to them said, “Yes, and how is it that I am always next in line to you?”

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    marilynnbyerly  10 days ago

    Not a Newtonian Law, a Murphy Law. My late brother had a theory about groups of people who get in other people’s way and screw things up. A petty version of the Illuminati. Grocery lines, traffic jams, restaurants and fast food places, etc. He called them the Anti-Destination League. The Karen Division is the absolute worst!

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    Shades O’Grady  10 days ago

    She’s the same person who leaves her unattended cart right in front of the item you need from the shelf

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    RaZaP  10 days ago

    Doesn’t that mean that if everyone in a ten-person line is in a hurry, then the first person has an order 9765625 times more complex than the person in the back of the line? (Math, kids.)

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    katzenbooks45  10 days ago

    In Britain they call it “Sod’s Law”.

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    Linguist  10 days ago

    It may not be Newtonian but it sure is Universal! The very thing happens in supermarkets all over the world.

    I have this happen almost every time I’m at the grocery store – usually, when I’m in a hurry – there’s no difference between a Publix in Florida or a SuperMaxi in Ecuador.

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    Mentor397  10 days ago

    And ask to speak to a manager.

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    ocarol7 Premium Member 10 days ago

    On days when the world seems that way, self-isolating is the cure-

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    Troglodyte  10 days ago

    Good thing Rat doesn’t normally carry firearms.

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    raybarb44  10 days ago

    or write a check

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    MICHAEL COPLAND  10 days ago

    Me too! Word was not helpful!

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    JKAce75  10 days ago

    The apple couldn’t hit Sir Isaac hard enough for him to imagine our world now. (I know that story is likely apocryphal. Let me have this one.)

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    Happy, happy, happy!!! Premium Member 10 days ago

    It’s still just a corollary of Murphy’s Law.

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    Sisyphos  10 days ago

    “Rat’s Law” may be more immutable than Newtonian physics! It happens to me every time I go grocery shopping (or nearly so)….

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    dimndno  10 days ago

    I think Rat is confusing Isaac Newton with Murphy’s Law.

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    donwestonmysteries  9 days ago

    And will have coupons and the register tape will need to be replaced. Everyone knows when you try and get in the short line, it will always go slower than the longer line which checks out 7 people before you get checked out.

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    WeaverJohn  9 days ago

    and have Coupons

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    Thehag  6 days ago

    If I need to grab something out of a bag while driving but do not want to fumble while in motion, I will hit all the lights green and never get that bottle of water that rolled too far on the passenger side floor.

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