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Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 21, 2018

91 Comments

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    BE THIS GUY Premium Member 12 months ago

    Now Santa won’t be able to give her presents on Christmas because of the restraining order.

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    TEMPLO S.U.D.  12 months ago

    If she’s a mother, no way she wants her kid(s) see her kissing him (more likely him kissing her) under the mistletoe.

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    oldpine52  12 months ago

    Santa should never be lonely, he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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    finkd  12 months ago

    Now she’ll keep the fire going in the fireplace all night.

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    danketaz Premium Member 12 months ago

    Try going with ‘Santa Baby’!

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    alaskajohn1  12 months ago

    Sounds like stalker behavior,

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    PICTO  12 months ago

    Try praising the way she fills stockings.

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    odd90745  12 months ago

    Mrs. Clause not giving any good lovin’?

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    n54077zt  12 months ago

    maybe he should have said "baby it’s cold outside:,,,,,,

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    Troglodyte  12 months ago

    Maybe it’s all for a good Claus…

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    gbars70  12 months ago

    Wife probably left ‘em. (See today’s Cul-De-Sac).

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    Plumbob Wilson  12 months ago

    You think Santa’s bad? I submit that millions of parents get their young children their own personal stalker-on-shelf. Now THAT’S creepy. It has got to take a toll on the kids’ psyches.

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    thelost wizard  12 months ago

    She has no interest in you. You show up one night of the year with presents and then you’re gone. What kind of commitment is that?

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    EcurbYkspohs  12 months ago

    Easy to tell that woman does not have Christmas spirit ! You missed out on nothing Santa ;-)

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    chris_weaver  12 months ago

    And, by the way, that ain’t no lump of coal!

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    mjb515  12 months ago

    At least he did not tell her to on Santa’s lap.

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    tripwire45  12 months ago

    Another Christmas song that will be deemed offensive and banned from the radio.

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    Nathan Daniels Premium Member 12 months ago

    Mrs. Claud would not approve.

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    Achtung  12 months ago

    oh for goodness sake

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    Emmett Wayne  12 months ago

    Rudolph with your nose so bright, please find me a date tonight!

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    LeeCox  12 months ago

    So what happened to Mrs. Claus?

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    Snolep  12 months ago

    Every Breath You Take……. Better call the Police!

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    NeedaChuckle Premium Member 12 months ago

    Arlo Guthrie had a great song about Santa. The Pause of Mr. Claus. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToPvZ1cL-AQ

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    feverjr  12 months ago

    I thought he had a thing for “Hos”

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    Greyhame  12 months ago

    “Want a piece of candy, little elf?” SANTA CLAUS IS A DIRTY OLD MAN!

    Extra geezer points if you catch that bit of cultural trivia.

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  26. 2006 afl collingwood
    nosirrom  12 months ago

    I see you when you’re sleeping

    I know when you’re awake

    I’ve watched you in the shower

    And boy do you look great!

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    syzygy47  12 months ago

    At work, from time to time, we get collectively castigated for some who may or may not have been taking too long with their lunch and coffee break times by our supervisor. Around this time, when she’s not on shift, I run off this at our preshift meetings (xxxx’ed out her name) You better not pout, you better not cry, You better not shout, I’m telling you why, XXXXXX’s watching you work.She sees you when you’re sleeping, she knows when you’re awake, She knows when you’ve been gone too long When you’re on your coffee break.

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    cdgar  12 months ago

    Must be tough being Santa and wearing that hot suit.

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    mail2jbl  12 months ago

    Doesn’t Santa have a wife though?

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    Cameron1988 Premium Member 12 months ago

    He’s lucky she didn’t hit him. And what happened to Mrs. Claus?

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    rugeirn  12 months ago

    Welcome to the surveillance state. See https://www.popularmechanics.com/military/a2398/4236865/. They do see you when you’re sleeping. They do see you when you’re awake. They do know whether you’ve been bad or good, according to their, not your, definitions of bad or good, so you better follow their definitions of bad or good for your own sweet sake.

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    dr_suess  12 months ago

    after that terrible pick-up line, Baby, It got cold inside!

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  33. Mr. noodles
    Future Reuben Recipient  12 months ago

    what do you mean, rat? that’s a GREAT opening line.

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    8ec23d5228da33aa2115003c92d0fe83  12 months ago

    I thought the song was about blackmailing your kids to behave. Common parental tactic, closely followed by teaching you how to feel guilt (also common religious tactic).

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    willie_mctell  12 months ago

    My friend Mugg Muggles sings it as “He’ll seize you when you’re sleeping.”

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    DCBakerEsq  12 months ago

    He’s knows when you’ve been naughty. And, he has photos.

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    rshive  12 months ago

    Don’t pout. Santa just wants to know if you’ve been bad or good. For goodness sake.

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    Lablubber   12 months ago

    Milk and cookies just aren’t enough.

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    B UTTONS  12 months ago

    Santa’s moonlights as a meteorologist during the off-season. How other pick-up song:

    Baby, it’s cold

    Baby, it’s cold outside

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    ekke  12 months ago

    Could be worse; he could cite a certain song by Sting!

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    Bonita Voigt Premium Member 12 months ago

    When word of that gets back to Mrs. Santa, he going to end up with more than coal in his stocking.

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    knight1192a  12 months ago

    Said that way it sounds creepier than the song

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    ironked1  12 months ago

    Stalker Santa sings “Every Move You Make”.

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    Sisyphos  12 months ago

    Good grief, Santa! Sober up! You should not be taking advice from Rat. Isn’t he on your Naughty List, anyway?

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    WCraft Premium Member 12 months ago

    That would make a great Sting song…

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    Daniel Kelly Premium Member 12 months ago

    Santa can only get a “Rat” sized glass of beer? Look how puny that is! The Good Man needs a pint! Pastis needs more drawing classes.

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    cobbea  2 days ago

    What about Mrs. Claus? Did they break up?

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