Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 25, 2016
"Rat's Guide to People You Can Do Without The guy whose every Facebook post is sadder than the last. Joe T. Dog died. Grandpa died. House burned down. The fat guy in the aisle seat who unapologetically takes both arm rests. 'He worries. I'll just make myself into a toothpick.' The neighbor who thinks they need to alert you to everything. 'Just so you know, I saw a guy walking on the street. He was tall.' The friend who peppers his language with words he barely knows. 'I have a plethora of loquacious bees.' The aunt who forwards every health-related email on the internet. To: Nephew Bob From: Aunt Hilda Subject: Signs of a stroke. Do Not Delete!!! The cartoonist who pretends to have one of his characters draw his strip because he's too lazy to draw a real one. 'Hi'" Stephan: Whoa whoa whoa. Rat: Truth hurts. Pig: This is so darn plethora.