Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 18, 2016
Rat: What do you have there, Pig? Pig: Film script. I got three different parts in the same film. Rat: What do you play? Pig: Three privates in the army. Rat: Gee, the dialogue's pretty trite. What if I just change a few lines and- Pig: Please don't touch my private parts! Goat: I'll come back later.