Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 15, 2013
Zebra: Pssst... bartender... you have to listen to me. I know your social activities director. We have a history, and he's trying to get me into the water to eat me. Bartender: Whoa... got it. Zebra: What's that? Bartender: Our "900" number. Push "4" for complaints. Zebra: Perhaps you don't understand. Bartender: Oh, I do. But be patient. They take forever to answer.