Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 29, 2009
Goat says, "Do you have a principle that guides your life?" Rat says, "Yes. Always suspect the worst of others. You'll rarely be disappointed." Goat says, "Do you think you can be a little more positive?" Rat says, "Yes. Always expect the best of others." Goat says, "There you go." Rat says, "And watch as your hope is crushed like crackers in a fat man's bed." Goat says, "Never mind." Rat says, "And the fat man is angry. And the fat man has a sledgehammer. And the fat man is yelling, 'Die, crackers, die!!'"