Pat Oliphant for August 16, 2004
Vietnam Vets: In all my time as a clerk-typist in Vietnam, I never seen Kerry do nothin hee-roic! Me neither - he never did nothin to earn them medals. Dam right! They made all that up to make Bush look bad. You an me was right there in latrine maintenance - we orta know. Yeah, if Bush had showed up, he coulda got a lotta medals, too, I bet. Ker-nay! Less all volunteer to make a TV ad for Bush an tell it like it was! President Bush character: I'm George Bush and I heartily approve this message!