Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for December 06, 2021

That means it’s certainly not the Jussie Smollett case.

“Just the facts”? What a novel approach.

Maybe you could photo-bomb a celebrity who is also going to court.

“Just the facts?” I may as well just plead guilty!!

“You can’t afford a media circus. And unlike most politicians you don’t have enough clowns hanging around you.”

I joined a circus to see the world…but all I saw was Elephant Poop!

A liar (correct pronunciation and spelling of lawyer) who is going to use facts. UN BE LIEVE ABLE

How does a lawyer say F U to his clients? “Trust me.” How does a lawyer say F U to his wife? “Yes, dear”.

Or, possible next scene: At the (affordable) Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

“THE FACTS”???? Surely you are kidding….

Ah, yes, . . .so: which set you gonna use? true facts or alternative facts????

The more people who can weigh in the easier it is to trim the fat and get right to the movie rights.

But I’ll find a way to make you the victim.

So, Claud copped your copper clappers?

With the backup plan, ‘’you cry like a baby’’, it could work.

Isn’t the media circus free and self-fulfilling?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Cue Joe Friday (dum-da-dum-dum)

How about a media carnival instead?

You’ll go in with “just the facts” and the court will await you with “just the law”.

“Your honor, this man insisted on having sex with me, but I didn’t want to. That didn’t stop him at all. He slapped me silly, then held me down and had his way with me, leaving me bruised, bleeding, and violated. He’s a cruel rapist. Please find him guilty.”

“Sir, are those all the facts of the matter? Is that really what happened?”

“Yeah, so what? I’m her husband.”

“Oh. Well, then, ma’m, why weren’t you more forthcoming about that when pressing your charges? You should know that the laws against rape don’t apply to married couples. You’ve just wasted the court’s valuable time. Case dismissed.”

“Not even a little media sideshow?”

If they use facts they could be disbarred!

As a court official for 31 or 32 years I saw some doozy explanations to the facts in many of BS cases,

Just plead guilty.

Ob$tacle.

Talk to Jack McCoy. He’ll get you a deal.

Today the facts seem to fall into the “Gumby” category—stretched until almost breaking but some measure of truth (if you squint really hard)….

“It’s all show business kidThese trials, the whole world, show businessBut kid, you’re workin’ with a star, the biggest

Give ’em the old razzle dazzleRazzle dazzle ’emGive ’em an act with lots of flash in itAnd the reaction will be passionate

Give ’em the old hocus pocus"…

Whatever happened to the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

It’s only been tried once.

Yeah, what lawyer ever wanted to use facts?

Time to settle out of court.

You have to commit Crimes with a lot of Sexual Misconduct in them to get a Free Media Circus.