Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 23, 2018

That is a good excuse to have an affair – one can always claim to have slept with the alter-ego!

Well, at least he isn’t faster than a speeding bullet.

Doesn’t Mickey Hart play a conundrum?

One of the hazards of time travel. You catch your wife with another man who just happens to be you. You should kill that guy just to see what happens.

Maybe that’s his wife’s alter ego.

Cogito ergo summus.

chmsam: i stink, therefore i am…

Nunc me vides; nunc non vides!

In the 1960s in Superman and Superboy comic books, Clark would sometimes use robot duplicates of himself when he needed to be in two places at once. Of course if this “Clark” is a robot, it does raise some disturbing questions.

That’s okay, she doesn’t recognize him without the glasses.

A new definition of a 3 way.

Now he’s beside himself.

I was expecting Obliviousman.

Doc Manhattan thought that might be a nifty trick. Laurie was rather… surprised.

Flash often will use his speed to zip so fast between two locations that he appears to be in both places at once. Iris might have trouble with friction burns in such a situation. Though Barry, being pretty vanilla all around, doesn’t seem the type to experiment in the bedroom.

Superman’s robot duplicates (come in Clark and Kal El flavors) have been mentioned.

And alternate universe versions, time travel shenanigans etc are a constant threat to superhero relationships.

(Now, Spider-Man has found himself dating girls who like Peter, and hate Spidey, and vice versa. But that’s the ol’ Parker luck keeping the plots soapy)

Read Larry Niven’s “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex”.

So is he cheating on himself?

Is that a condominium in which this condom conundrum takes place?

http://www.tomsmithonline.com/freestuff/oddio/Pl05-SupermanSexLifeBoogie.mp3

Superman Sex Life Boogie – Words and Music: © 1986 by Tom Smith

Superman, Lois Lane, and Lex Luthor © DC Comics, Inc.

This was inspired by Larry Niven’s hilarious essay “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex”, documenting possible methods of perpetuating the Kryptonian humanoid species without having Clark molest Supergirl.

.

Well, I’m a small-town boy with a heart of gold,

Not to mention heat vision and breath that’s cold,

I’ve got super strength, I’m immune to pain,

But I’m weak in the knees around Lois Lane.

.

She’s got a sexy walk, and the bluest eyes;

Her clothes are all painted onto her thighs.

She’s got great taste, so I just don’t see

Why she’s in love with my costume, but not with me.

.

I can change the course of rivers, bend steel in my bare hands,

But none of that hokey macho stuff makes me feel any more like a man.

I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I’m tougher than a moving train,

But why leap a tall building in a single bound,

When I’d rather jump Lois Lane?

.

Well, I’m a nice, easy-going kind of guy,

I’ve got mild manners and my wit is dry,

But it doesn’t ever seem to matter what I say,

’Cause Lois never gives me the time of day.

.

But when I fly the city in my blue and red,

She’d risk the whole world just to get me to bed,

But that’s not the way I want to let her get my bod,

It’s not making love, it’s seducing God.

.

I’ve told her a thousand times, we can never risk normal sex.

If I lose control, we could get David Cronenberg to do the special effects,

I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I’m tougher than a moving train,

But why leap a tall building in a single bound, When I’d rather jump Lois Lane?

.

Continued: .

Well, I’m sick of all the supervillains poking fun,

Just because I’m still a virgin at age thirty-one.

I don’t like the names that I’m being called,

I couldn’t care if Lex Luthor’s always been more … bald.

.

I’d love to let Lois know the way I feel,

To let her know the man underneath the steel,

But she doesn’t want to have a thing to do with me

Unless I’m out bashing baddies in my Bee Vee Dees.

.

I’ve had it with the hero biz, frustration has got me down.

Why should I bother with saving the city when I’d rather be painting the town?

I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I’m tougher than a moving train,

But I’d throw it all away in a minute if I Could just once get the jump on Lane.