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Nick and Zuzu by Nick Galifianakis for June 05, 2020

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  1. Brain guy dancing hg clr
    Concretionist  11 months ago

    If I wanted my first wife to go with me to an event… and arrive on time… I had to first convince her to go at all… without ever letting it become clear that I wanted to go.. (you can see why we’re no longer married, right?)… and then I had to either lie about when it started or set all the clocks in the house ahead (this was back when phones had dials and handsets that could be used to flatten tough cuts of meat).

    If I want my current (and final) wife to go with me to an event… and arrive on time… I have to negotiate with her about whether we’ll go; and then remind her “30” minutes, “15” minutes and “5” minutes before it’s time to go… but do the reminding at 35 minutes, 20 minutes and 10 minutes. Then, when it’s actually 5 minutes early, I say “it’s time to go” and go ’round the house checking doors and windows while she hits the bathroom one more time. Not ideal, but at least we get there, usually on time.

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