”Limited time only, though, so act now, order today, send no money,
Offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately,
Batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final,
Allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available,
Some assembly required, some restrictions may apply.
And if you act now, we’ll include an extra added free complimentary
bonus gift: a classic deluxe custom designer
luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet leather style wallet.
With detachable keychain, and a pencil holder.
It’s our way of saying thank you.
Actually, it’s our way of saying; Bend over just a little farther…”