Matt Bors for January 04, 2008
English Only Movement Sees Competition Fans of English Only laws are engaged in a bitter spelling dispute with the splinter faction, "Ye Olde English Only Movement." Man: English has been RUINED from people speaking it for centuries. We demand arcane versions of words in official government documents. Even more worrisome are the proponents of GLOSSOLALIA, the angelic language spoken by Christians who flop around on the floor. HE DIED FOR YOU Man: Trom flo pico lafa lafa glip. Woman: Oh bo bo flee flee AIYEEE! To them, speaking in tongues is natural while English is a difficult second language. ENGLISH TO ANGEL DICTIONARY Woman: This country was based on GOD and if you can't speak his divine dialect you need to ASSIMILATE! Spoken in the language of the oppressor for your convenience. And these fundies are breeders. In a few generations we may not be able to ignore their language needs. CAUTION WET FLOOR/ FLOLAT SKE BLOOP Recording: ...Press "2" for Jesus gibberish. Man: I hate this crap.
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